someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize