May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
