i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
