I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize