We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
