I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
