fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
