I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
