I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
