If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
