1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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