Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
