You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
