His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
