Dual....:-)
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
