you would pick up someone in the library
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
