He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
