it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
