legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
