So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
