Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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