btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
