Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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