Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
