I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
