those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
there's paper in my vomit.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
