She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
