It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
