i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
