Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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