she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
