we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
