Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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