just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
