I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
third nipple confirmed
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
