This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
