This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
