So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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