I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize