Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
