you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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