Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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