so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
