And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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