some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
