How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
