I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
