The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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