I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
