he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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