He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
