Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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