I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
