Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
