ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
