So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
