what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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