I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Randomize