I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
