tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
