You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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