I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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