He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
