I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
