16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize