His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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