I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
