Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
