Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
