She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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