yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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