I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Randomize