Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
