I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Little spoons don't ask big questions
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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