It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
