Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think a kid would responsible me up
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
