4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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