I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
