and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
