Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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