i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
